Don’t Get Punched in the Face While Flying

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a poem by Kate Couch

There is no dignity in travel,

And I don’t pretend to like you.

We are in this thing together, though,

So, please don’t smell like dog poo.

Don’t eat what stinks and wear clean clothes,

I’ll do the same, it’s true.

We don’t have to be friends, but you should know

Your smell will make others hate you.

Don’t cut in line like you’re entitled.

A simple “Please” will let you pass.

But I’ll be the one to cut a jerk,

If you jump in front, you ass.

If I can hear your music,

Even though it’s headphones that you wear,

You’re being rude and no one likes you,

So turn it down.

(No, it doesn’t rhyme and I don’t care.)

I say hello, but I don’t like to chat,

As flying makes me scared.

Don’t depend on others for entertainment,

And keep your own kids ensnared.

My space is tiny, but it’s all I have,

Just the same as you.

Don’t take more room like you own the place,

I’ll get slappy if you do.

Speaking of space, the overhead bins,

Are labeled per each seat.

If you can’t fit your stuff in yours,

Tell the first flight attendant you meet.

‘Cause if you take theirs, then they’ll take his,

And down the row it goes.

Over packing will delay our flight

And your dead body we’ll have to decompose.

Be kind to others when you fly,

And I’m happy to do the same.

Don’t pretend you’re the only inconvenienced one,

It’s just a flight, don’t make it War Games.


I’m not particularly religious, but I believe the whole “Do unto others…” concept is fantastic.

 Travelocity’s 2009 Rude Traveler Poll


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