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Let’s do this.
There’s a new Lego Movie trailer. I’m an unabashed fan of the Lego games, yet I still feel a little sheepish stating that I’m actually looking forward to the Lego Movie. It looks pretty funny, it’s got a number of my favorite comedic actors in it, as well as Liam Fucking Neison. That being said, he was also in Battleship, so…ugh. That being said, I couldn’t be more excited about a Will Arnett Batman. Here’s the newest trailer for Lego.
Also in movie news, Ender’s Game came out this past Friday. The author of the series, Orson Scott Card, is staunchly anti-gay and has given to numerous anti-gay causes. He’s written numerous essays and articles stating his often violent views toward homosexuals and those who would support them, including “If the Constitution is defined in such a way as to destroy the privileged position of marriage, it is that insane Constitution, not marriage, that will die.” Naturally, this has caused some concern amongst those interested in seeing the film or reading any of his further works. Is it possible to separate the man from the art or will doing something as simple as attending a movie, feed his bank account and therefore views that are aggressive in their inhumane intent toward a particular people? In light of this, Buzzfeed has written an interesting article on boycotting films and whether or not they actually ever work as intended.
As far as human rights go, a member of Pussy Riot has been moved to a different penal colony in Russia. She had faced attacks and subsequently undertook a hunger strike in protest to her incarceration. Apparently 23 year old Nadezhda Tolokonnikova was moved to a more secure prison on October 21st and her family was told they would be informed of her new whereabouts within 10 days. As of November 2nd, her husband reported that they had still not been told of her new location. Pussy Riot is a feminist punk rock group that has frequently criticized bigotry in Catholicism as well as Vladimir Putin. For their participation in a protest, two members of the group were sentenced to two years in a penal colony. At the time of sentencing Tolokonnikova stated “Our imprisonment serves as a clear and unambiguous sign that freedom is being taken away from the entire country.”
And because airports are unsafe and annoying as hell already, an alligator was found in O’Hare this past weekend. Illinois is of course the most perfect climate for gators. And he was stuck under the escalator no less (I’m sure there’s an escagator joke in there some where, but I refuse to touch it). Luckily it was only a baby, think Elvis from Clarissa Explains It All. In light of recent events, I would much rather grapple with a wild animal than a human.
A paleontologist at Mount Holy Oak believes he has proof that the Kraken was a real sea beasty. Listen, it’s something like 90% of our oceans are undiscovered wastes of terror and possible Kraken homes, sure, and I’m well aware that Moby Dick was based on a true story (want to be horrified? Look up George Pollard Jr. and his Essex to find out more on pain and whales and cannibalism), but I’m still leaning toward rational explanations for all sea myths and legends. I’m also afraid of open ocean, so maybe my fear makes me biased…
NBC loves them some Tina Fey like fat kids like chocolate cake. It’s been announced that they’re ordering another sitcom from the comedy maven and, while details are sparse, 13 episodes have been ordered for Fall 2014. If you need to have your memory jogged of the absurd, TheDailyBeast has some of the best moments from 30 Rock, including my personal favorite: That time Liz had a threesome with James Franco and an anime body pillow.
In a recent interview for SciFy, Neil Gaiman, Lord of Dreams, Master of Mine, revealed the origins of Sandman for its 25th Anniversary. This was a comic I used to buy so much as a kid that my parents actually limited the amount of money I could spend from babysitting and my allowance on. Naturally, I then started spending the surplus on drugs. Good work, guys.
And in the vein of anniversaries, just a friendly reminder: The trailer for the 50th anniversary Doctor Who special will hit on November 15th.
A few weeks back I made this big stink about writing more frequently and yet since that time I have wound up writing less than ever.
I haven’t cooked anything new.
I’m still in the office a million hours a week.
And now I’ve taken on a second job, albeit a small one at one night a week, as a Quiz Master.
So, I’m writing today, dammit.
I’m trying to find meaning and balance in my life. I say “meaning”, maybe that’s a bit harsh. I am an adult now, which is easy to claim on the basis of age, but much harder to grasp in terms of…everything else. I have no children because they are expensive. Also, they smell, but I could probably get over that. I do not feel settled in my career because when you’re a child there is only the want to be. To be an astronaut, a veterinarian, a doctor, a teacher, a lion wrangler, something definitive, something viewed as great, and you’re blissfully unaware in youth of the lesser positions, such office administration, personal assisting, the horrible world that is retail, etc. You think everything is fair, that you work 8:30am to 5pm, at which point you’re allowed to have a life and holidays off. And for working those hours you earn enough cash to afford said life, a vacation once a year, medical bills, the surprise of a car breaking down. The world has changed, however. And I am cranky for it.
Where am I going with this? I don’t know. Maybe the world hasn’t changed.
Adulthood – Something I’ve sparred with more than once on here. It’s hard to view one’s self as a true adult as I base my idea of an adult on my parents, who I viewed most while a child in the 1980’s. Also, at its core my life is one of learning, of being excited for art, history, the beauty, destruction, and evolution of our past. This blurs the lines of being an adult personally because one is supposed to let go of the loves you have as a child as you grow into maturity. As a child I loved learning, I loved museums. And I will not let go of those.
Speaking of cores, we all have an inner voice within us. If we didn’t we wouldn’t be able to read silently. Boom. Inner voice. As we grow, mature, and learn this inner voices matures with us, is us, defines our rationals and decision making processes. Every once in a while, however, my inner voice isn’t me.
That sounds bizarre and creepy. Scratch that.
What I mean to say is that every once in a while my inner child speaks for my inner voice.
This morning I read an article about a new “Alien Horned” dinosaur discovered in Canada recently. It’s called an “Alien” based on it’s scientific name (Xenoceratops), Xeno of course being latin for Alien. Yeah, no, stop thinking Scientology. I mean, their use of Xenu isn’t exactly wrong, but it’s also not real. Dinosaurs were real (unless of course that offends you, but if it does then you probably wouldn’t be reading my blog).
The point is the new dino didn’t look all that different. He’s instantly recognizable as a close relation to the Triceratops.
Ole’ Xeno himself. (Photo Credit Yahoo News)
So, I see the headline of a new dinosaur discovery and I can’t click fast enough out of childlike wonder and excitement, only for my eyes to rest on a rather familiar-though-slightly-different face. And my inner child’s inner voice takes over and says to me:
“That’s not new. That’s the dinosaur I’d ride like a horse if I lived back then.”
And that’s my first thought on this matter. Not “My, a new relation of a classic. How interesting!”, not “A new discovery! How delightful!”, not “Oh, joy, something new! The World as we know it is astounding!” Nope.
My first thought is that this is boring, because I would ride a triceratops and all of his or her kin like wild ponies of the Cretaceous Period.
WHY is that my first thought looking at poor Xeno Horn over here? First of all, no I wouldn’t have. In the improbable event of finding myself stuck back a few dozens of millions of years ago in the Earth’s beginnings, I would not be saddling up great monsters. Trampled to death? Maybe. Stung by a giant, horrifying insect of yore and left for dead? Most likely. Tour around on a Xenoceratops? Absolutely not. Not only did my inner child hop a ride on a Jules Verne or H.G. Wells premise, but I also came up with the girliest, most childish thought:
Big beast. I ride. He my friend. I call him “Friendy”.
I say “girliest” because though I spent much of my youth working on farms just so I could ride horses, I would have much rather had a dinosaur or pterosaur as a trusty stead; ponies were just practice. This was me at my girliest.
I love history, I respect history, I learn from history. Apparently, however, I will not grow out of my periodic inner child no matter how immature she may forever be.
I don’t think I mind this, though. It’s that childishness that keeps me enthusiastic over the interesting things I love, and I find that joy to be easily contagious to those around me. Maybe it will even make me a good parent, if ever I decide to embark on that experience. I know it certainly made my father a good dad, albeit a pretty corny one.
* So…The Hobbit is going to be 3 movies. There isn’t a script yet…or a budget…but, yeah, 3 films. [GeeksOfDoom]
* Global Warming opponents can go to Hell – and those in Oklahoma may very well be headed there. According to new reports, the current freak heat wave they’re experiencing is causing the street lights to melt. If we’re not going to alter our climate changing ways, we’ll have to at least tweak “Hot as balls” to “Hot as melting balls”. Naturally. [Inquistr]
* There have been a lot of talk about another Ghost Busters film claiming to be official. The newest comes from Cinema Blend stating that Bill Murray is officially out of any kind of future sequel. Granted, this story quotes Dan Aykroyd, but I’m still only taking it with a grain of salt. The only person who can say whether or not he’d be in is Murray himself, and even he wembles – it’s a word; look it up in the Fraggle Dictionary. The fact of the matter remains: These men are old. Like Indiana saving relics from the Nazi’s, perhaps this story should close completely. Can’t Hollywood come up with some new ideas, not simply “new-ish”? [CinemaBlend]
Photo Credit Inquistr
* The next X-Men movie has a name and it’s not “Second Class”. The next X-Men film, expected, will be called X-Men: The Days of Future Past, which to me is wordy and a bit Doctor Who-y. It’s also a fairly well known storyline of the comic book, making it a bit of a spoiler alert. This comes on the heels of set photos and video from the set Wolverine 2, which is currently filming. [HotOffThePresses, Hollywood Hills]
* There are rumors afoot that Jimmy Fallon may be in talks to host the 2013 Oscars. Lorne Michaels is expected to produce. Think he can get through any funny bits without giggling? I’m a fan of Jimmy Fallon, truly, and feel he’s definitely come into his own as a talk show host on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. [LATimes]
* Will Ferrell is super upset about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson, y’all. Like, super upset. Even calls BitchFace a TRAMPire. Oh, that “bitchface” thing? She’s got super bitchface, it’s just a matter of fact. Listen, if you want me to get all girly about it, no one should be so pussy whipped that he’s willing to dip his pen in the same ink at the same time as another man. Also, she’s shit for acting, also just matter of fact. Don’t let losers drag down your own rising star. Boom. What was I talking about again? [Inquistr]
I’ve been playing Red Dead Redemption and I’m totally obsessed. More than anything, I want to compile a collection of a bunch of the hats from John Marston’s unlockable outfits. Also, I’m a wicked good shot. Wicked good. I’ve just gotten a bit stuck on bagging a cougar with a stick of dynamite – but I’m sure I’ll get it soon.
And none of that has anything to do with this post, except for the fact that I “totes” don’t need any more hats; I already have an adorable collection that doesn’t get worn info.
Back to nerding out on real stuff.
It’s almost time. My Netflix subscription will finally pay off: New episodes of Arrested Development start filming in a mere 4 weeks! According to Netflix’s original statement, all new episodes will be uploaded for streaming all at once. Speaking of which, I’m going to have to re-watch all the old episodes stat. All original members of the cast are on board with this project, making it all the more exciting. [BuzzFeed]
Photo Credit That’sWhatSheaSaid
So, a Twilight fan was killed after being hit by car at Comic Con yesterday. When I first read that headline my first thought was “Oh, no! That poor 12 year old girl!” Only it wasn’t a young child; it was an adult woman over 50 years old. An adult who made the decision to run into on coming traffic to score a spot in line to see teen heartthrobs. No, she absolutely did not deserve to die and this is 100% a tragedy. I just feel our desire for escapism as Americans is a bit out of touch right now. [LATimes]
<Begin super thick sarcastic tone now.> Wow. I’m so surprised. Hey, everybody, Hollywood has decided to make Mockingjay, the final of the Hunger Games trilogy, into 2 movies. Wow, totally didn’t see that coming. <End sarcasm.> I am a fan of the Hunger Games books, I truly am. I felt, however, that Catching Fire and Mockingjay, based on their content, would need to be only 2 movies. It might have to overlap a bit, bringing some of the third book into the second part Catching Fire. While the second installment is exciting, there’s not much to it until…well, if you’ve read the book then you know. If you haven’t, I’m not spoiling it. In other words, there’s enough content there for 2 movies, but not any more than that. I just hope the next installment isn’t filmed likeThe Blair Witch Project again. But who are we to complain: We are the movie studios cattle, herding to pay over priced tickets for movies with budgets that are out of control. Ans we do it with smiles on our faces.
A 30 second clip has been released for The Dark Knight,airing on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
As the nerdiest of us know, it’s the 25th anniversary of TNG (that’s Star Trek: The Next Generation). Now, granted, the first season started off a bit rough, what with Riker’s super chin dimple and that Tasha Yar nonsense. Be that as it may, TNG quickly developed into the best Star Trek series, second only to TOS (that of course being The Original Series). To celebrate this, a number of movies theaters across the US are hosting an anniversary event showing two first season TNG episodes on the big screen. This is a one time thing on Monday July 23rd at 7pm – and, Austonians/Austinites, be aware that the Alamo Drafthouse will NOT be showing this. I know, I’m shocked, too. You can find out were to see this in your state on Fathom Events.
The Batmobile was designed in the late 1930’s. It’s one of those iconic cars that is instantly recognizable to this day, no matter how it’s updated. And it’s the standard to which every car lover out there compares their current ride to. It’s only fitting, and about time, that the creation and evolution of the Batmobile finally gets its own documentary. It will air Monday on the CW (whatever the hell network that is) at 8pm eastern time. Don’t expect amazement here, however: All six versions of the Batmobile are supposedly touched on, but the special is a mere 30 minutes in run time, so 22 when you subtract all those fantastic ads. Holy Bull Sh*t, Batman. [SuperHeroHype]
Tom Baker, the 4th inception of the Doctor and quite possible one of the most memorable with his incredible scarf, will be returning to Doctor Who for it’s 50th anniversary event. There is little to no additional news released on this event other than this will also serve as Matt Smith’s last moment as the character. I have been hesitant with each new inception of Doctor, hating that time for them passed so quickly and now I would have to work through the adventures with someone new, yet every time I’ve been more and more blown away. I had never been so surprised by an inception than with Matt Smith, who I feel managed to encapsulate the Good Doctor all too well, making his departure all that more rough. [Buzzfeed]
When I was young, I thought Xena was…well, not cool, per say, but one of the tougher women to look up to given my options as a child of the ’80’s. I find it interesting that now, 17 years after the short-lived television show aired, her “armor” is serving as inspiration for real life combat in the U.S. Military. I get the importance of properly fitted combat gear; a soldier must be protected while being able to move in a stealthy manner in order to complete their duties and survive. I just hope they dispense with curly golden designs on the tits. I don’t think those really aided to camouflage. [TheInquistr]
And, though it’s a month old, Peter Jackson has uploaded his 7th behind-the-scenes Hobbit movie journal to his YouTube page. What better way to end this out than with a little Hobbit enticement?
What do you mean “Where have [I] been?!”
I’m right here! Let’s just move on, shall we?
The Best Thing You’re Not Utilizing Right Now: Adonit’s Jot Flip. This little beauty clips to your shirt or can be tossed in your lady-purse like any pen, BUT it also doubles as an incognito stylus for your iPad/iPhone. It’s so much more, though – Forget about feeling like you chubby fingers are too inadequate to play DrawSomething (they are, get on a treadmill for craps sake), you can now blow away your competition on the hit app, scribe notes in cursive, teach your kids to write on apps, draw with better precision on any tablet – it’s simply bad ass. This thing is crazy awesome and it comes in a ton of colors so I don’t have to ‘customize’ mine with Star Wars stickers, which is a nice change of pace for all the other mobile accessories I buy. Best of all, Adonit will play one game a week – Starting Tomorrow, Thursday April 5th, and feature their favorite DrawSomething artwork on their blog. We’re talking Artist Recognition for DrawSomething. It’ll be the next internet meme. Just make sure you have the right tools to compete. [Adonit, Werd]
* What’s a day without a Star Wars reference? Why it’s no day at all, my good fellow. Flavorwire has put together a list of 9 Star Wars references you never noticed before…but, yes you did, ’cause you’re as bad as me when it comes to an Empirical obsession. [Flavorwire]
* It’s Wednesday, also known as Humpday. If that’s not good enough and you need a lil’ extra boost for your day, Buzzfeed has inspired posts you can put around your claustrophobic cubicle to remind you you’re human even if your boss is not. [Buzzfeed]
* Kevin Bacon decided to play 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon and found out he’s distantly related to his own wife. [Inquistr]
* Rufus Wainwright has a new music video out starring Helena Bonham Carter. This is the first thing she’s done since Fight Club that wasn’t directed by someone she’s sleeping with and that doesn’t also start Johnny Depp. [PasteMagazine]
You know how I feel about a new iPad: In short, I’m so in love with my Macbook Air, that I only have eyes for thee. That being said, new Apple announcements are always exciting. And besides, I may say I love it, but Polly really “loves” my Air.
I’m really hoping we hear something regarding Apple TV. It’s thanks to that ‘lil hockey-puck sized device that I was able to ditch cable for good. We even talked my retired parents into getting one (Incidentally, my mother couldn’t be more in love with her iPad 2 than she already is).
Regardless of your Apple device of pleasure, be aware that iOS 5.1 is available today, so make sure you get that update.
Enough chatter – What’s so special about the third generation of iPads? Plenty.
Photo Credit WSJ
There’s a reason no other tablet on the market can come close to competing with Apple’s iPad, but as far as the newest generations specs go, it offers…
- The newest iPad will be offered at the same starting price point, $499, as the previous models, and will be available next week (3/16)!
- According to GadgetLab, it will also be 4G LTE. Does that mean anything to you? Well, it doesn’t mean anything to 99% of the world’s population. Their statement on it is roughly “So, 4G LTE means it’s faster….?” Check out SNL’s take on it HERE.
- Super mega Retina display, better then flat screen tv’s. Of course. Seriously, I haven’t heard enough incredible things about it. For those who have seen it in person, it’s apparently beyond incredible.
- A better 5mpxl camera. Excellent, but I’d still rather take photos with my 4s than an iPad.
- An A5x quadcore chip means better and faster everything, with super speed and better graphics.
Is it worth it to upgrade if you already have an iPad 2? Eventually. Immediately? Only time will tell.
It’s trailer madness Wednesday! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
*Time has the new trailer for Masterpiece: Great Expectations. Between Downton Abbey to NOVA and Ming Tsai, PBS has never been so popular and magical, nor has it ever received such rave reviews. In this particular adaptation in honor of Dickens’ 200th birthday Gillian Anderson will be taking on the role of Miss Havisham. [Time]
* The Fantastic Flying Books of Morris Lessmore is an animated short that is up for an Academy Award. Like so many of Oscar worthy shorts, this is both beautifully done and heartwarming. Watch it below.
*Speaking of the Academy Awards, here’s a cynical, cranky chef making their Oscar picks. Wait…I don’t remember making this list. Oh! It’s Anthony Bourdain. I get it. We so similar in our cranky personalities that I got confused there for a minute. As usual, his responses to the questions are witty, comical, and make for a very enjoyable read. [NYT]
*The Amazing Spider-Man trailer is out. It’s all very teenage angsty, but Emma Stone was so good in SNL, maybe she’ll be awesome as Gwen Stacy in this, too. [MoviesWithButter]
* In light of MIA behaving like a child, BBC News has posted an article on the history of the middle finger. I love things like this. There’s nothing I enjoy more than studying the rude and crude of history. I’m not kidding. [BBCNews]
* And, finally, The Avengers trailer hit on Sunday night during the Super Fun Time Sports Dish thing there. Captain America looked downright plastic in it, and Scarlet Johannson looked pretty blase compared to the rest of the crew. Also, this is the third person to play the hulk since – what? – 2002 or whatever, so I’m not even sure which actor is portraying him this time. But, hey, I’m sure plenty of people will see it. And then want their money back. The extended addition trailer is below.
* First things first: Eve Myles recently hinted to a 2013 Torchwood movie. This would truly make 2013 THE year for movies (Hobbit: Part II, Star Trek, Torchwood?!). Cult Box recently interviewed the super badass heroin, who mentioned:
“Nothing’s going to happen in 2012, I know that much for sure. But who knows what will happen in 2013. Maybe a movie, to kinda draw a line under it.”
Okay, so this is pretty vague, but still. What does that “…to kinda draw a line under it” thing mean? Is that some special Welsh saying that indicates something like “By ‘maybe’ I mean ‘definitely’ “? Because that would be awesome. [Blastr]
* Because Koreans are geniuses at marketing I bring you a Darth Vader who really has to tinkle.
* Speaking of Star Wars, Potter Barn Kids really wants me (and nerds every where) to spawn. [PBK]
Photo credit Pottery Barn Kids
* And also, also in Star Wars news, shipwreck hunters have found a Millenium Falcon shaped item on the bottom of the Baltic sea. SQUEE! [Telegraph]
* So, in 2009 The Hangover came out and people had their pants charmed off by Zach Galifianakis. Maybe ‘charmed’ isn’t the right word. It doesn’t matter. Then Part Two came out, in which Bradley
Pooper Cooper literally had the line “Oh, no. It’s happening again.” >cough-LAME-cough< And now, Helms joins the previously two mentioned stars in talks to contract a third film. Super, super unnecessary, Hollywood. We get it: You guys are REALLY out of ideas. [HollywoodReporter]
* In a recent interview with the Huffington Post, Fran Dresher said she believed both she and her husband were abducted by aliens. Which explains her voice. [HuffingtonPost]
* I’m kind of over ironic facial hair. Actually, I’m really over the entire ironic movement, but the mustachioed continue to persevere. This year offers an International Mustache Film Festival. Who knew mustaches could act? Well, I guess it’s obvious in Burt Reynold’s case… [Movieline]
* Super Bowl Fever is upon us!…well, it’s on some people. It’s not on me; I couldn’t possibly care less about American Football. BUT there is a 10 second teaser ad out hinting toward a Ferris Bueller sequel. In the brief ad I can’t tell what they’re selling, but I can definitely tell you I’m not buying. [Daily Mail]
* Sunday and Wild Life are two animated shorts, both of which are up for Oscars, and available online. [HuffingtonPost]