movies

Today I turn 30 and – OH MY GOD STAR TREK NEWS!!!

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I was going to do this post about life and crap, and maybe I still will later, but for now…

SPOILER ALERT! If you don’t want to hear about Star Trek 2 RIGHT NOW, then go away.

Okay?

Good. It’s about to get real.

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH IS KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

I mean, we knew that. You knew it, I knew it, we all felt it. Like falling in love with someone you shouldn’t. People deny it, tell you it’s wrong, but you wake up in the morning and there it is:

Cumberbatch is Khan.

Awesome.

A big thank you to Sarah B. for making my morning a little more exciting.

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Walking is Hard

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When I was a child it was important to my parents that my brother and I never took ourselves – or life in general – too seriously.
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My folks were supportive when we needed it, and yet managed to be sure that a large ego was never too highly developed. They were successful with me, at least. The same is debatable in regards to my brother. My father was a bit sharper on this lesson than my mother. Never missing an opportunity to accentuate this policy to my brother and me, our training with him began early. My mother was more…stern. Not in a bad way; being married to my father meant that she was technically raising three children, not merely the two that popped out of her womb. Dad would prefer to refer to his antics as being more fun than strict. I have still yet to truly decipher his exact definition of “fun”.
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For example, here’s a picture of my dad when we came across a fountain on the day of my brother’s college graduation ceremony.
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Okay, okay. My folks saw this post and were none too pleased I posted the above unedited pic of my Dad, causing me to have to photoshop it. They’re going to be staying with me soon and I don’t want them to touch all my stuff while I’m not looking out of revenge.
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Instead, here’s a picture of my mother and brother reacting to what their lives had become.
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I, of course, was taking the pictures.
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This isn’t the point. The point is how my parents went about their life lessons. My mother taught us the hard way “This occurred because this happened,” or, more frequently “You’re in pain now because you didn’t do this.” She explained and then consoled, rather than just trying to make a kid feel better. My father hurts when my brother and I hurt, and wants to make it better. My mother sympathizes with us, but she’s more direct on making sure we know what to do to get out of a pickle, that we’re proactive about it.
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Neither of my parents were too shy about allowing us to watch movies; they were confident they could train us on right and wrong, fake violence and unnecessary real anger. Danger and safety, that sort of thing. That being said, I do distinctly remember a time when my mother was quite angry at my dad for allowing me to watch Predator at the age of seven. That wasreal anger, though I distinctly understood that the movie was fake. And awesome. I was fine. And I got ice cream for breakfast!
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Photo Credit Collider
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The NeverEnding Story movie hit theaters in 1984. The first time I remember seeing it was on a grainy VHS when I was four. My brother was seven at the time. I liked the snail racer seen in the very beginning. I still do. We were our parents’ children. We were out-going and fun and emotional and strong. But we were still kids. I cried a lot as a kid.
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The NeverEnding Storyenthralled Matt and me. We didn’t care much for the princess or her weirdo illness, but we loved the Rock Biter and the Night Hob who flew around on a bat. Falcor was the big, flying white dog we’d never have. And we loved Atreyu, believed in him, and felt for him. Atreyu has it rough in the film. His life is dependent on the actions of a bullied runt named Bastian, the fate of not just a princess, but his entire world is left balancing on his prepubescent shoulders. And if that isn’t bad enough, his horse, R-Tex, dies.
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I remember this scene very well, even the music. There’s Atreyu in the Swamp of Sadness. You’re not supposed to allow the sadness to seep into you. It will kill you. But eventually R-Tex just can’t take it any more. And he begins to sink. My brother and I were inches from the screen, big fat tears pouring down our faces.
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Photo Credit Smother Goose
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“Don’t give up R-Tex!”
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It was apparently all too real for my father, who decided to step in and teach us a lesson about taking things – even as a four year old – too seriously.
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“Kids…do you know why Atreyu is crying?” My dad asked, sitting next to my mom on the couch.
“Buh-be-Cause his horse died?” I asked feeble through snot and tears.
“No, stupid! Because now he’s all alone!” Barked my brother through his own hiccups of sadness.
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“…No…” said my father. “Atreyu is crying because now he has to walk.”
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It took a moment – but just a moment – for my brother and I to burst out laughing. Even at 4 I understood Dad was full of shit.
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And that’s how my parents shaped my brother and I into the ‘people’ we are today.

This entry was posted in Comedy, Entertainment, Humor, Stories, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .

Doctor Wholidays, Edible Star Wars, Dan Rad is Ginsberg (?!) & So Much More!

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*To start: 15 Unseen Characters on TV that we all know and love.

*What does an AT-AT taste like? Gingerbread, apparently. The best quote I’ve read regarding this amazing wintery treat: “That AT-AT is going to make me fat fat.”

*Where’s Waldo: The Feature Film, or The Worst Idea Ever, has gotten a screen writer. Shouldn’t have been too hard to find, since the entire movie will consist of two lines – “Where’s is he?” and “There he is!”

*If you’re reading this then you’re not really doing anything at all. Science deems it so!

*Video of Doctor Who cast members reading bedtime stories. Kind of ironic when you think of the episodes that definitely don’t help you sleep at night – DON’T BLINK! Ugh, but Martha Jones reads one, too. She was my absolute LEAST liked sidekick.

*WHAT THE – OHMYGOD -OH! Just make it stop! JUST MAKE IT STOP! I don’t know if you heard, but there’s this show called Virgin Diaries. A couple thought it would not only be an awesome idea not to have sex until marriage, but to wait to even KISS until their wedding day. And so their first ever kiss – with anyone – is…just awful. And you can watch it on tv! I don’t know what that kid thought he was doing, but the bride and all the guests look like they were *this close* to puking. And keep in mind that that’s just the kiss. As newly weds there are…other…things…they’ll be thinking about doing, and they’ll do it just as well as they did whatever the hell that was. I’m so creeped out right now. I think I need to go make out with some stranger in a bar just to put the stars back in alignment. Take a gander!
*Hey, everybody! London has a giant Lego Christmas Tree with Lego balls and all!
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*You know what makes the Doctor Who Christmas Special even better? A Doctor Who Christmas Special Marathon leading up to it! Whoooot!
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*If someone isn’t already working on a porn adaptation of this, they really, really need to get on the ball.
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*The three brothers Hanson all got married so young and just about immediately started poppin’ out babies. So in an attempt to support those budding families, they’re now selling…beer?…
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*”Squeal like a pig! Squeeeeal like a pig!” Yeah, I don’t remember that guys name either, the actor or character, but it should be noted that he’s passed away. Must be one of the most quoted lines ever, next to “You got a real pretty mouth.” I say that one to my friends all the time.
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*There’s one thing that really super bothers me about Daniel Day Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln in an upcoming film: He looks more like Abraham Lincoln than Abe did. He’s going to be the first person to get an Oscar for a movie that hasn’t even come out yet.
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*So, Daniel Radcliffe is set to play Allen Ginsberg. After seeing the Harryest part of the Potter in Equus, I don’t question any of his roles any more. I’m sure he’ll do hung – WELL! I meant, I’m sure he’ll do well.
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*J.J. Abrams has decided to create a new female role for the Star Trek sequel. Some how I’m far more okay with this than when Peter Jackson created a new female role for The Hobbit. Is it necessary? We’ll have to see it to know for sure and, let’s face it, we’re all going to see it.
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*Can’t afford the $120+ Lego Millennium Falcon for your loved one (I sure as hell can’t!). Try one of these Do It Yourself Star Wars gifts! Love them alllllllllll.
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And I’m spent.

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Tuesday Pop Bytes

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I got Pop Bytes comin’ out the wazoo today!

* Don’t want to make a regular turkey for Thanksgiving this year? Try making Meat Cupcakes!…On second thought, don’t.

* DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL TRAILER!

 

* A doll sold by Toys R Us giggles and coos and calls you a Crazy Bitch.

* New Arrested Development is super confirmed. They’ll be comin’ at ya through Netflix Streaming in 2013. It’s going to be quite the year for movies and TV! Personally, I think to commemorate this, Ben and Jerry’s should come out with a flavor called “The Money’s in the Banana Stand”. It would be banana ice cream, with little chocolate dollars/coins, and peanuts! When it comes to food, especially fatty foods, I can kinda be a genius some times.

* The Walking Dead does not share accurate information about the Morning After Pill. Please tell me the American Public isn’t so dim that it would take medical advice from zombies. Talk to your doctor.

* Remember that thing I mentioned last week about Lucas Arts reserving some domain names? Well, here’s why they did that.

* Good news: The first Hobbit trailer is upon us. The bad news: You may have to go see the Sherlock Holmes sequel in order to see it. Speaking of Holmes, when are more Sherlock (the BBC series) going to come out?! Here’s a bit of cool trivia that excites me: The Hobbit trailer will be seen with the Sherlock Holmes movies, yeah? Well, Bilbo Baggins and the voice of Smaug in the film Hobbit are Watson and Sherlock, respectively, in the BBC series Sherlock!!! Awesome, right? I know. It’s badass.

* Need nerdy ornaments for your tree? My personal collection far out strips this little list from Blastr, but theirs is still a collection worth noting.

* Aren’t Engagement photos lame? Yeah, they are. But not these. Nope. These are Star Wars inspired engagement photos. The exact thing needed to prove to your family that you’re mature enough to get married. Awesome.

* NPR has put together the ultimate Thanksgiving playlist, for those who are itchy to pull the trigger the Holiday music gun, but know their family will kill them. I might be talking about me.

*Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you should know by now that Neil Gaiman was on the Simpsons this past Sunday. I love Neil Gaiman. I’ve been reading his work since I was 14 years old, back when my parents had to limit the number of comic books I could buy each week. Remember: I did have a part time job at that age. And I realized something recently about Mr. Gaiman: he is wicked hot. He is definitely my older man crush. So, when I say I love him….

* Someone decided they wanted to know what it would sound like to play every Beatles song ever at the same time. Hidden message from the Devil? Maybe. Hipster nonsense? A bit more like it.

* I don’t know if there really is a hidden alien in every single South Park episode, but it’s a study I’m willing to take on.

* Finally, don’t get divorced. Just sell your spouse on Craigslist like this batshit crazy genius woman did.

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Friday is Pop-Tastic: Archer, Indiana Jones, Thundercats, & More!

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*Want to see 1000 hours of work smooshed down into 3 minutes? Gosh, I do! Timeplapsed Thundercat Painting is truly the very best way to start off your Friday.

 

* MTV Geek has released their Top of 2011 Animated TV Shows List and I actually agree with most of it. If you’re not watching Archer you have to start doing so. Much of it is on Netflix Watch It Instantly. H. Jon Benjamin is just fantastic and the mom from Arrested Development plays both a mom and head of a Secret Agency. The character she voices on Archer is pretty much the same character as she played in AD, which is a beautiful thing. I’m starting to think that may be just how she is in real life. And I love her.

 

*Almost exactly 30 years after her mysterious death, the L.A. Sheriff’s Office has decided to reopen the Natalie Wood investigation. This is based on new information the office has recently received regarding her disappearance on Thanksgiving of ’81.

 

*Anonymous is still determined to Occupy Wallstreet and they’ve got pretty creative ways to achieve this!

 

* Meet the King of the Geeks: A super nerd cracked the Jeopardy code. That lucky genius bastard.

 

* 17 Minutes of the newest Indiana Jones filumentary?! After this I’m going to have to go lie down from Excitement Overload.

 

* And, finally, those skinny bitches over at Victoria Secret are biting into my Geek Chicness, only they’re doing it with far perkier breasts. Hate them.

PS: I know Twilight whatever the hell came out today. And I don’t care. I don’t care about prancing, sequinsy vampires and their wolf frenemy that falls in love with a monstrous new born infant.

I don’t. Freaking. Care.

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