Once in a very rare while I will go out. I will go out and feel so good about going out that I will actually put on makeup. This is something I do maybe six times a year; the fact of the matter is that I need to wear makeup more often, but me putting on makeup is like a four year old learning to color in within the lines for the first time: it’s just not pretty.
Anyway, on these rare occasions, if I’m feeling good enough to slap on some face crud, then odds are I’m going to be drinking. One super fashion tip I’ve learned over the years is…
Take your makeup off before going to bed.
This seems like a super mega no-brainer, but – especially after a few drinks – taking your makeup off can be nigh impossible. This stuff is made of super greasy, anti-tear, no-run, staining, Infini-last, out-last, mega-last formulas now. And we put these uber chemicals on our faces. No matter how hard I would try at the end of the night to scrub the makeup off I would still wake up missing most of my eye lashes and staring at a face etched of lipstick and eyeshadow looking back at me from my pillow case.
So here’s what I’ve learned – And this is especially useful for nights like New Year’s Eve:
These little babies are all of $3 at your local Target or grocery stare and they are well worth it. I walk <stumble> into my door, head to bed, and wipe my face with one of these bad boys before gently falling asleep <or possibly passing out>. I wake up and Makeup-Face is on a small wipe on my night stand, my pillow case is clean, and my eye lashes intact. Any bags under my eyes are not there from makeup residue, I’ll tell you that.
Speaking of which, need to get rid of those bags or to hide your crankiness?
Other tip: Aviators.
The Sunglasses style, I mean. I love my aviators. They’ll never go out of style; haven’t ever AND they look good on everyone. Short hair, long hair, fat face, long face, thin or fat. Look great. They were my one big splurge of this year and they weren’t even costly. We’re talking $45-50.
They are Fossil White aviators and they are the reason I often wear contacts. Love them.
Here’s what they look like.
And here’s what they look like with my husband.
Check out Find the Bad Kitty for the newest addition in photos and feel free to follow me on Twitter,
Style tip: Never be ashamed to wear a hat. It will take attention away from your crappy hair and horrible outfit, and force people to look at your chubby, chubby face. Doing so will make them uncomfortable, they’ll leave relatively quickly, and then you get to have less time making small talk with somebody you hate. All thanks to a hat.
And this happened:
Two new things in the *very* limited world of GeekFat fashion: The boots and a bra.
First thing to discuss is the boots. These are the boots that inspired GeekFat, so they deserve a high and mighty spot. Thusly I’m calling them “The Boots Zipped Round the World” (not just because they were inspiring, but also because they actually zipped up and fit around my massive, massive calves). The boots are brown leather with a stretch backing, a very basic riding boot and I actually really like the dark brown back with the caramel brown front. It’s the Naturalizer Array and I heart them.
No big deal, right? Well they’re huge to me AND for the first time in literally about 6 months it is raining in Austin; I’ve conditioned the leather and am wearing them right now with slim jeans and a cool puff sleeved black shirt – I feel like a jedi. And I got them with combined coupons and in store sales up the wazoo, but we’ll get more into my cheapness later. The above picture was taken of me yesterday before an outing to a sports bar for wings, food so fried and cheese smothered that it could only be called “food” if using quotations, and sports gaming where men played with both balls and pucks and I cared little about neither. I have a friend who loves her Packers and I support her happiness. So there you go.
No, it’s not that I just started wearing a bra. I love bras. Think they’re fantastic, albeit incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t like not wearing a bra unless I’m sleeping. On top of being chubbs, I’m also an admin, which means I am incredibly cheap. Though I’m currently cheap by necessity, I’m not sure I wouldn’t remain cheap if given substantial financial means. What I’m trying to say is that I needed a new bra, my others are less than steller, but a ladies undergarments are not inexpensive. For a remarkably little amount of cloth, these items are off the charts expensive, many costing more than dinner and a movie for two.
I had been carrying around two coupons I received to Victoria’s Secret. I generally only shop at VS once a year to eighteen months and only during their “We have to get the undies that are two years old out of our stock at any cost” sale. The stuff I wear is beyond last season out of style. It wasn’t even in style when I was a freshman in college. Super Out Of Style. The coupons, however, were really enticing. For one, they expired yesterday, meaning I felt the pressure to splurge. And secondly, one was for a free pair of underwear, no purchase necessary. I might as well walk in, I mean, they were just gonna GIVE me free panties. So, yeah, I completely fell for the ploy of merely getting the customer in the door.
I’m miserable. Just general, all around miserable. I like my shopping missions to be search and destroy, no eye contact, surgical strike, and no pushy sales people. To be fair all the ladies in VS have been, in my experience, very nice. They want to help, but are totally content to leave you alone if that’s what you indicate. I wove through their selection looking for something that defied gravity, weightless, will last an eternity, and is pretty. I like pretty, what can I say? And I’m wasn’t finding much – well, not much in my price range, which, even with the $10 off coupon, was pathetic. Finally, I decided if I’m going to buy my first non- so-on-sale-you-might-as-well-be-a-recluse-if-your’re-buying-this-out-of-style-crap bra, that I better get on with it and take the leap.
And that’s when I saw it. A great coverage, mega plunge, right amount of lift over the shoulder boulder holder. It was made of the material I could only imagine Susan Sommers would demand her personal space suit be made of. And it didn’t even have strap adjusters because the fabric adjusted itself to you. It was the iPad of braziers.
As I searched for my size a sales woman approached.
“Ohhhh, are you thinking about that bra? That’s an amazing bra!”
She helped me find my size and twittered off on her way. I putzed around a little while longer picking out my free underwear. While doing so I was approached by a second sales person.
“<gasp!> OHMYGOSH, your getting that bra?! Oh, man, that bra is greeeeeat!”
That’s when I decided it was time for me to head home, I’d had enough of being a girl for the day. I headed to the register.
“Can I use both these coupons today at the same time?”
“The free panty and $10 off? Sure, that shouldn’t be a prob – ARE YOU GETTING THAT BRA?!”
She continued with – I shit you not – :
“<Sigh> Congratulations, that is the best bra you’ll ever own.”
I was essentially congratulated by three people, one literally, on my bra purchase in a 10 minute span.
Once I got home I simply had to try on the bra that couldn’t now possibly live up to the expectations created for it. And yet damned if it totally did. I’m wearing it now.
Well, duh, of course I’m not going to put a picture of me wearing a bra on here. But that is the actual bra. Also, I love horribly, horribly executed photo editing jobs.
The bra is truly so comfortable that I had to look up its style name so I could look for it in the future, in another 18 months, when I have the urge to spend so much on something great.
It’s called Incredible.
That’s it. I was a little perturbed they didn’t go with IcrediBra, which is what I insist upon calling it. Still, it’s no AbracadaBra.