I Am Not Baby Crazy

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I’m not.

I’m not baby crazy.

My boss is positive I’m going to wake one morning demanding the spawn of my spouse. I’m not sure if he’s right or wrong, but I do know that today is not that day.

My friends, however, are procreating at a fantastic speed, and I think it’s adorable! I totally do. My wee little chick friends are developing beautiful rotund bellies filled with their own personal mini-me’s. And it’s friggin’ cute.

It’s also a whole new outlet for me to release my inner super geek! (Super Geek – Super Geek – she’s Super Geeky, yooooooow.)

So, naturally, I’ve been spending entirely too much time on Etsy. It’s totes my kryptonite.

And that’s as girly as I get. That and squeeing for puppies dressed as yoda and/or dinos.

Holy crap, that’s cute. Etsy SatMorningPancakes.

Ugh.

Right now, I’m too selfish. I want to do more. I want to be something worthwhile before being placed in a position to be an example for a child. I’m coming to terms with never being great, I just need to be good enough. This is not an odd feeling in regards to procreating. There is a certain amount of selfishness in creating a child, but in an acceptable way. As if saying “I’m personally good enough to pursue immortality vicariously.”Ohhhh….there it is: I have no self esteem.

The other issue is that I’ve never written as little as I have in the past month and this loss or lack  makes me look at where I am in life, which is far from the point of spawning.

I have yet to figure out why I have this correlation between writing and birthing, but, for me, it’s important. There has to be enough information spewed out before a baby can be spewed out born.

Information. Education. Writing.

Perhaps having a baby is not important to me yet because it’s not important to the perspective grandparents. There’s no pressure there, so I certainly don’t feel like it’s a necessity, and until I feel a need then it’s not the right time. I also don’t think boys ever need a kid. And I’m not up for raising one alone, so…

So, people are having babies later, people in long term relationships are having them out of wedlock, people are choosing to not have children at all and it’s all okay. God, marriage. There’s something that’s just pointless now. I should just walk into a court house, be able to declare my intention of forming a family unit, and be given the paperwork to change my name if I so desire. “I intend to support this person, and them, me.” “Well, alrighty, here’s the paperwork to have a joint name if so wanted, as well as to insure that person.” Period. The rest of it can go to hell.

Family unit. I’m starting my own clan. Like a tree house, only instead of “no boys allowed”, it’s simply “No one else; if I want more, I’ll make ’em”.

What I’m saying is I need a tree house, not a kid.

Wait…no. I think I may have gotten off topic.

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